Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
