oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
