i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
