I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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