someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
