dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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