Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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