i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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