yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
