So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
