long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
