Im at strip club and am horny
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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