fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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