i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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