says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
