I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
