i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
