I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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