so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am available for nakedness
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
