I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
its liver damage thursday
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
