Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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