We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
