Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
