Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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