She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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