so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
