it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
