Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
