something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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