I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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