I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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