There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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