I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
