I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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