what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
