She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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