Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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