I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
