Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
