I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
wow bdsm is so cute
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
