I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
