Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Semen is not good for contacts.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
