i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
