Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
