Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
