Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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