Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
