life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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