no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
