so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
