okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
