To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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